A couple of weeks ago I wrote about Volta. I wrote about a sudden moment in which I really felt the Christ's Peace and consolation come into my heart.
That very day was the day we conceived the child now in my womb.
I have waited to make this announcement because with the positive indicator on the HPT came a sense of overwhelming, well, everything. I literally fell to my knees, realizing I had read a positive test, and prayed with words from the Magnificat; I had taken the test on the morning of New Year's Day, the Solemnity of Mary the mother of God.
I have been hesitant to announce this at all, here on my blog, because I know my wait has been so much shorter than many of yours. And I know, though I don't know very many of you, that this announcement will feel painful, especially because I had been wondering if we would be dealing with secondary infertility, and now here I am, having only waited and prayed for seven months, while many of you have dealt with this for years. I feel incredibly guilty for that.
And I feel incredible fear.
I know how many of you have had multiple miscarriages and long long periods of IF, and failed adoptions; the pain of your stories has been my comfort, your strength in carrying on has been my inspiration, and my prayers have been and still are with you. The pain of my own struggle is still very heavy.
I have so much conflict in my heart when I think about this pregnancy.
And that is why I decided to go ahead and announce it, hopefully sensitively, because whether anyone reads this blog or not, I have to be able to write through my fear and hope and anxiety and joy.
A positive pregnancy test after miscarriage is one of the scariest things I can consider; I am so afraid this baby will die too. (The doctor has already prescribed me a progesterone supplement because my levels are low--anyone have experience with this?)
But I know that fear is not from God, and whether this baby lives or dies, He will make it for my salvation.
Today I am pregnant, and I love my baby. God will see us through. I do, for the first time in a long time trust in that Truth, and I am going to cling to Him, the one True Good.
Congratulations!!! Grow baby grow!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteLots of women blog about having to take progesterone while pregnant: one is due in a couple of weeks (Faith Makes things Possible), and one is in her 2nd trimester with her 6th (Michelle at Endless Strength, and one is trying for her second (Sarah at Fumbling Toward Grace)...Sarah specifically could relate to your story, she had a m/c with her first and then had progesterone with her second - her sweet Maggie!
Congratulations!!! I have had several issues with progesterone - 2 early miscarriages that we think were attributed to low progesterone and then we went onto conceive and carry full term our daughter Elizabeth. I was on progesterone until 37 weeks with her. We did miscarry once after her but it was related to a chromosonal issue - not progesterone. So I am happy you are on progesterone from the start - that is a GREAT start!!!
ReplyDeleteGrow, baby, grow!!!
Congratulations! I will pray that the baby continues to grow and your progesterone numbers go up!
ReplyDeleteJust found your blog through a prayer buddy link... Congratulations!!
ReplyDeleteHooray!!!! I am so thrilled for you!!! I prayed so hard for this!! I was on progesterone injections all through pregnancy. They are no fun but they do a very important job!!! I will be praying for baby to grow and grow!!!
ReplyDeleteThank you all for your comments. You don't know how much it means to me to hear that you have had healthy, living babies after miscarriage, with progesterone.
ReplyDeleteHebrews, I know you prayed so much for me; what a blessing I have had in your prayers! Thank you so much.
Above all, Praise God!!