Monday, August 19, 2013

Send Up a Quick Prayer for my Friend if You Can


I just learned this morning that a dear friend of mine and her husband just lost their first baby last Saturday. If you have one minute today, please send up a quick prayer for their healing. My heart is absolutely broken for her, and I know you girls have powerful prayers and so much love in your hearts.
St. Gerard, pray for us. St. Gianna, pray for us. Blessed Marie Azelie Martin, pray for us.

Monday, August 12, 2013

Prayer Intentions

It's time.

Today marks thirty-six weeks of this blessed journey. With four weeks to go, I'm processing so many emotions and trying to be "ready" by preparing in every way I can. But even now, God is showing me that I won't be "ready;" I will have to let go of the perfection I seek and the superficial peace that comes with feeling prepared. Saying goodbye to Romeo Gerard taught me that. Waiting and trying to get pregnant taught me that. Fearing complete infertility, and still dealing with subfertility, has taught me that. And pregnancy has taught it too.

This pregnancy has felt so surreal throughout; I'm not sure how it is supposed to feel to be pregnant after loss, but what I do feel is disbelief mixed with a routine-ness that is unsettling. It almost makes me feel like I've taken this for granted, though I know that is so not true.

Even with my belly out to here, I often don't feel like this is real. There are moments, of course, when I allow myself to really feel the joy of being pregnant, the expectation of a newborn. Moments like when I unpacked all her tiny clothes into drawers, when I packed my hospital bag, when I set up her bassinet. But more often than those moments, I feel an uncomfortable numbness and a feeling of being unsettled.

Everything around me reflects that unsettled feeling; I don't have a parish to call home, and my spiritual life is not what I want it to be right now. I think of all the things that are unsettled, this is the one aspect that really moves everything askew. I could be an absolute mess, but if I had a parish I loved I would feel just fine.

Really, my intellect knows that Christ is in every parish I visit, in everyone I consider in this discernment process. And I know it will take time to find a place to call home. And it is in this chaotic feeling that Christ is calling me, once more, to look up. Look at Him. All that seems unsettled floats calmly to the ground in His Light. As when the sun comes through an open window and makes visible those tiny particles which float in the air, Christ illuminates all that I worry about, and makes it seem so infinitesimal.

So it is with this hope of Christ's peace that I reach out to you, and ask for your personal intentions, that I might make those the focus of these last few precious weeks, and of the labor I will soon face. Please, make me aware of them, whether by leaving them in the comments or by emailing me your intentions at kantnerk (at) gmail (dot) com. I will add them to my list of intentions and take them with me.

Wednesday, August 7, 2013

Please pray with me... praise of God for His Glory. His Mercy. His Love.

When this girl is downtrodden, the Lord sends His Grace through many means, and I just want to praise Him for His faithfulness. Specifically, I am praying praise for:

*all you who read, commented, and/or prayed after my last post. You really don't know how much your support boosted me in spirit. You gals are the friends I long to have.

*for the healing He provided for my back, which happened much faster than expected.

*for M at Joy Beyond the Cross, who has done a great kindness for my family. I know she wouldn't want to be recognized for it, out of her own humility (so I won't give details), but I want to pray for her nonetheless.

*for M at Team Stout, a friend of mine from my old parish whose kindness and generosity toward me have always been without reservation.

*for the cooler weather coming this week, which helps me get through a day so much easier. I am so grateful for this small comfort!

*for the new priest whose homily was so loving toward women and their sacrifices, and who reminded me that the Lord knows it all.

Please pray for each other with me.