Anticipation

My heart is a-flutter with anticipation. And not the peaceful kind either.

Tomorrow is our viability ultrasound, the one where we will either see this baby's heart beating, or we won't.

I feel that we won't ever be out of the woods unless this baby is born alive and placed in my arms. But then, we're never really out of the woods, are we? We do not know the day, nor the hour, for us or for any of our children. I know in my heart that this is why I am so relieved to know Jesus, to know His victory over death. Because if I didn't, boy this life--especially a life with children--would be so hopeless.

Yet, even though I know this, and trust it, I am still anxious for what is to come tomorrow.

I have striven, over the course of my writings here, to align my will with God's, to trust His will, and to abandon myself to it. But I'll still pray that my baby will live. I pray that God's will be done unto me; but I also pray that I will see a heartbeat. Is that putting a condition on my prayer? Is that wrong? I'm still trying to figure that out.

In any case, it is humbling to ask this, but will you please pray for me and my husband, and mostly for this baby? I need your prayers so badly.

***

Lord, you know my heart; You know I am anxious. Please, Lord, grant me your peace. I pray that Your will be done, and that whatever the outcome, You will give me the grace to appreciate the time I have had with this baby, and the maternal heart You've given me. I pray, Lord, if it is Your will, please let this baby live and be born healthy and alive. I know this is a familiar prayer to You, from me. I ask it because I believe in You, and I trust in you.

Little Romeo Gerard, please intercede for your little brother or sister!
St. Frances de Sales, on whose feast day this ultrasound falls, and patron of writers, pray for us!
Saints Gerard and Gianna, pray for us!
Mary, my mother, I beg you to intercede for this little baby!