Another of his disciples said to him, "Lord, let me go first and bury my father." But Jesus answered him, "Follow me, and let the dead bury their dead." (Mt 8:21-22)
The notes in my bible say that Jesus' command to the disciple "overrides what both the Jewish and Hellenistic world regarded as the filial obligation of the highest importance."
Clearly, I'm thinking about detachment. On the day after I learned that another blogger's dear little boy has died, I am thinking about the Lord and His Purposes. Somehow, though I've never met her, or even so much as commented on her blog, I am heartbroken. My heart thinks of RG, and longs for him in my womb, while her heart must long for this little boy so very much. Rocking little A to sleep last night, I just cried and sputtered a prayer to Jesus, that He would be with her and her family.
And, I thought about detachment. I had been to bible study earlier in the day, and we had been studying God's call to Abram to leave all that he knew and to travel into the land that the lord would show him. We used the passage above to parallel Abram's obedience, and to expand our ideas of detachment--at least, I did. In the past five months I have learned that detachment is meant to be from the things I love the most. THE MOST. And so, when RG came out of me, I thought of Abraham and Isaac. (Amazing how God gave me that image right then.)
Abram's detachment worked in stages, I suppose. First he detached from his family and kin, then from his things, and finally, God asked him to sacrifice Isaac, his long awaited and beloved son. At RG's death, I had thought, "God, I am faithful! I have trusted in You. Don't. Please don't take my Isaac away." And I was so hurt that He would take my Isaac, and not spare the life of my son, as He had Abram's.
But now, I realize, through my suffering, God is working two miracles. One, that my son, MY SON, could be a saint. What blessed few mothers can know that? (Carla can, that I am sure.) And two, that I would be given the opportunity to say, "Fiat!" by realizing that my willingness to die to my attachment to RG is for my salvation. For even my own children are not mine. They are His. If I am to follow the Lord, then I must let my son be buried by Him. I must throw off my filial obligation--for he is already buried, and with the Lord--and follow Christ. I cannot be so attached to RG that I neglect the Lord, or do not follow Him in fullness. Freely, Totally, Faithfully, and Fruitfully.
Lord, I pray that you help me to know that detachment from RG only means closeness to You. That RG does not need me, and that I need You. Help me to know that I am not being a neglectful mother by detaching from him, but that he is loved, and loved so much that he could only be Yours. I offer up my sufferings for all those babies, killed in the womb, who have no one to love them so, no one to mourn them so. I offer them up for baby Henry's mother and family. And I offer them for all mothers whose children You have loved into Your Holy Presence. Amen.