I can totally relate to this post by Danya at HE Adopted Me First.
I keep asking myself: from where did these expectations come? Are they mere social constructions, pounded into my head through Disney movies and fairytales? Can't be. Most of the Disney princesses never have children. Are they an image of my biblical heroes? Can't be. Mary only had one child. God never promised me a life with many many children.
Fr. G told me in confession a few weeks back that I have a beautiful mother's heart. Can such a mother's heart be so if she has but one child? Does a mother's heart always long for more and more children? Does a mother's heart lament for the children that may never come? Perhaps I am only mourning R.G.
Maybe a mother's heart, in her longing, is really only longing for Our Lord, and not necessarily for more children. Maybe I long to hold Jesus when I find myself longing for an infant in my arms. What is an infant, if not pure love, sent from the Lover? As a mother, maybe I long for Jesus. I can think of no better balm for this wound.