For You, Tiny One

Language fails to allow an explanation as to how treasured you are. Pure gift. Someone of immeasurable value, given freely to your daddy and me (and to your siblings) by a God who loves so much. I know He delights in you. We do too.

I admit that I'm anxious about your birth, about the adjustment to our family. I'm nervous because with your sister, we were in similar circumstances--I was in school--and it was difficult. It was joyous and indescribably beautiful, but it was hard. It took a lot out of me, though the Lord provided all that I needed. I admit that I've allowed fear of difficulty to make me apprehensive about your birth.

But I know that the Lord will again provide. He will be sure that I have the right care for you in time for school. That those around me will also love you. He will ensure that the fear will disappear from my heart.

If you find this blog someday, you will find me at a time when my heart was broken. When it was grappling. When it was healing. When it was worried, wandering, and apprehensive about much. But there is one thing you should know that I was and am always sure of: my love for you and your siblings is steadfast. And particularly for you, tiny one, even while you are still in my womb, I am so sure.

You have a particular potential for burden, tiny one. And I am so sorry for that. I don't ever want you to feel that. I want you to know about your brother, to ask his intercession, to know how much he means to me. Because the thing is that what he means to me, what you can see of my love for him through my writing here, is what you and your sister mean to me too. I don't want you to feel like you are supposed to be what he was to me or any such thing. God gave me two babies in the amount of time that most women might only have one. You are unique in your person-hood and irreplaceable.

And I love you. Since I had the inkling that you might exist, I have loved you.

Your daddy and I longed for you in our lives, though we miss(ed) your brother. We longed, not for him, but for you to come to us. And the Lord answered our prayers according to His will, because He loves you too.

It is important to me that you know how uniquely I love you, my sweet one. Come to us safely, darling. Though I have already met you--our hearts beat together there; your soul lies even within me--we cannot wait to see your face.

Love, mom.